I hate self tanners

1, You think you are a pro...oh look a nice big streak on your leg, that'll teach you to get cocky.
2, How many coats are enough? One coat I look anemic...four coats I look an oompa loompa.
3, When you are wearing wash off tan and it begins to rain, trust me Usian Bolt would come in second in that race for shelter.
4, No self tanning upkeep and you begin to look like you have some tropical disease. At best a patchwork quilt of white, tan and shame.
5, Oh have you been on holiday you look lovely and naturally tanned...said no one ever!
6, No foundation quite matches a deep faux tan...trust me.
7, Doing the tramp tan (only tanning the areas on show) and realising the next day you are going swimming.
8, After sun with self tan, why you give me false impression of my tan progress?
9, Yep I totally love smelling like a biscuit factory, it is what all the boys love that and brown stained sheets. Yum!
10, Orange palms need I say more?

As you can tell my self tanning experience hasn't always been a walk in the park! Oh life.