Win it! Benefit That Gal London

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

'Laughter is the best cosmetic, so grin and wear it’.

Do you like a good chuckle? I sure do!
Benefit have teamed up with Funny Women to celebrate their 10th anniversary 
so if you are local to Edinburgh I highly recommend treating yourself to a ticket (3-17 August 2012)
and having a good ol' belly laugh at a show! For more info visit

With that in mind I have teamed up with the truly lovely team at Benefit to offer
you the chance to win one of five limited edition Benefit That Gal primers!

To enter all you have to do is tell me your very best joke and leave a valid email address!
Sadly due to spammers and professional compers I do have to insist that you are a GFC (Google Friend Connect) follower.

P.S for all of the latest news and giveaway's from Benefit I highly recommend following the Benefit team
on twitter @Benefit_UK_IRE

Giveaway is open internationally and will close 7th of August and winners will be determined by Random.organd announced at the bottom of this post within 48hours of post closing, winners will also be sent an email!

CLOSED - WINNERS ARE :  Jade Jetley, Alice Kate, Kat Snelson, Ellie Grace Steadman, Chanelle Forrester 


  1. Where I come from, everybody has a very dirty mind, so my joke could possibly offend someone (sorry in advance, but I think it's hilarious)

    What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
    They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!

    GFC (ness)

  2. Oh dear, I'm terrible at jokes!

    "There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says "woah, it's hot in here!" the other says "oh my god, a talking muffin!""
    GFC: Emily

    Emily x

  3. I've always thought this one was pretty funny, and definitely cute! XD

    What do you call a woolly sheep with no legs?
    A cloud!

    GFC: LauraLeia
    Email: Laura1990my [at] hotmail [dot] com

  4. Oh man, I don't know any jokes. :(

    The world consists of 4 things: protons, electrons, neutrons and what?
    Morons ;D


  5. This one is not mine, but made me laugh...

    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

    GFC: MissMascara1983

  6. You heard about the scarecrow who won a Nobel peace prize?
    He was the best in his field!

  7. This is the funniest one to me :P
    There was a psychiatric patient who was always writing letters. One day, a nurse finally asked him whom he was writing to. Then the patient answered "I wrote that to myself." It made the nurse even more curious so she asked "What is the letter about?" The patient said "Jheeeeez, how am I supposed to know? I havent received it yet!!"


  8. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
    A good start

  9. Not Mine but i love it

    "Common sense is so uncommon these days that it should be considered a super power"

    GFC Sweet &Bitter
    Sweetandbitterblog (at)

  10. "I supplied Filofax's to the mafia. It was very organised crime."


  11. What do you call cheese which isn't yours?

    God that's old - cringe lol



  12. What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

    Luke warm!

    lol, sorry that was terrible :p
    GFC: kirsty
    email: kirkichi at gmail dot com

  13. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An Investigator

    Sorry lol

    gfc: Arielgina

    1. OMG LOL that one made me laugh so bad :P

  14. Oh god I am so bad at joke but here's one:
    When do astronauts eat their lunch?
    A: At Launch Time

    ... I told you it was bad :D x x

  15. Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
    Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

  16. My friend told me this a while ago and I love it as it's just so terrible that it's funny:

    Why did the boy fall off his bike?
    Because someone threw a fridge at him.

  17. Did you hear that joke about the deaf man?
    He didn't either!

    marieke27_04 @ hotmail . com

  18. I only know dreadful jokes or very filthy, so here's one my little cousin told me and I rather liked it

    What do you get if you cross an alligator and a flower?

    I don't know but I'm not going to smell it!

    Lol it made me laugh!

  19. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.


  20. My favourite joke is
    " I asked my gym teacher to teach me to do the splits. He asked me how flexible I am. I said I couldn't do Tuesdays."

    Gfc- Ellie Steadman

  21. "What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
    A wonky!"

    worst joke ever! hahahaha

    gfc: dara__355

    :) xx

  22. My joke:

    A woman gets on her bus with her baby. The driver looks up and says "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life."
    The woman goes to the back of the bus and sits down filled with anger, she says to a man next to her "The driver just insulted me." The man says "Go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

    Thanks for a great giveaway :) xxx

  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

  24. An English cat, named One Two Three, and a French cat, called Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the English Channel.
    Who do you think won?

    The English cat, of course, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq!

    Many thanks for the giveaway and everybody's jokes :)
    givinganswers [at] googlemail [dot] com

  25. Im awful at jokes oh dear
    but here it goes anyways!

    A man goes to the zoo. When he arrives there is just a dog sat in a cage.

    It was a Shitzu.

    I follow you on GFC also

  26. You'll have to forgive my potty mouth...

    What is the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?

    One's got hope in her soul, whilst the other has soap in her hole.

    Terrible I know! I follow you on bloglovin' and GFC. x

  27. Hi from Greece!!!
    I think it's a classic british joke...but ok...
    What is the longest word in the English language?
    "Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
    GFC elena

  28. Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
    GFC: Emmaldownie

  29. it's not mine but it's the funniest one that i remember...

    I have a friend. His name is David. One day, he lost his ID.

    We just call him Dave now..

    Oh God I don't know if that's even funny to anyone else but it made me laugh..

    email: yuwaratu.s[at]gmail[dot]com
    GFC: Ira S.


  30. My jokes are terrible! But I'll give it a go..
    Q: Who was the best dancer at the monster party?
    A: The boogie man!

    For some reason that one always makes me laugh :P

    Otherwise, I'm definitely following via GFC as "Sweetaholic Beauty"
    Great giveaway :)

  31. Why do cows lie down when it rains?
    To keep each udder dry!

    I got that in a Christmas cracker and it's been in my purse ever since hahahaha. Cracks me up, with it's awfulness.


  32. GFC: sataa
    Johny: Can I Go To The Bathroom?
    Teacher: (while correction) May, I Go To The Bathroom?
    Johny: No miss, not fair, I asked for it 1st..

    Thanks xx

  33. I follow via GFC as Nathalie

    OK that joke is awkward, but whatever...

    What kind of pants do clouds wear?
    - Thunderwear!


    Nathalie xx

  34. Why do police always carry pepper spray?

    Incase of an assault! (aSALT)

    I should be a comedian really ;-)

    Following on GFC as Charlotte Jones

  35. Here is my jokes:

    A: You know, if we donate our blood and collect 30 stamp, we can meet with the mayor!
    B: Really? how about 50 stamp?
    A: You can meet with the govenor
    B: Cool! 70 stamps?
    A: You can meet the president!
    B: Awesome!
    A: wait, there's more
    B: Huh? I thought the president is the highest?
    A: No..if you collect 100 stamp you can meet with..
    B: Who?
    A: GOD ! hahahaha

    GFC: Shasha
    email: laurensianatasha (at) gmail (dot) com

  36. My dad always rolls his eyes (as well as every one else I say this too) but it makes me giggle;

    Ivan not go much time, I Moscow, sorry for Russian!

    GFG: KittyBonkers
    email: emo_kitty_wants_milk[at]

  37. GFC: Pandazaur

    There are two olives sitting on a table. Suddenly one falls off. The other one looks over the edge and asks worriedly "Are you ok?!" He replies "Olive."
    (I'll Live...)

    *chortle chortle*


  39. Not one I came up with my self, but it's my favourite joke ever.

    What do you call a woman with one leg?


    Thank you, I'll be here all week...

    GFC: jaigeeksout
    email: jaime-lee[dot]gillibrand[at]hotmail[dot]co[dot]uk

  40. What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

    :) x

  41. 'Whats green and has wheels?

    Grass, I lied about the wheels.' :-)

  42. OMG I'm really bad at this, but here goes nothing...

    Knock, knock!
    Who's there?
    Boo who?
    Don't cry; it's only a knock-knock joke.

    GFC: AnaA
    Contact: acbalex88 [ at ] gmail [ dot ] com

  43. Why did the chicken cross the road??

    To get to your house.
    Knock knock

    Who's there?

    The chicken!

    GFC: Evie

  44. Quite surprised this one hasn't popped up..

    What's brown and sticky?

    A Stick! ;)

  45. The only joke I ever tell is..

    What's the fastest cake?


    It's awful but I find it hilarious every time ;)


  46. my favourite joke is this -
    sorry if a picture doesn't count but i couldnt just type it, it needs the picture to be funny! it's my sceensaver, i chuckle whenever i see it :)

  47. What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?

    hehe :) x

  48. My favourite joke:
    What's big and grey and if it falls on you it can kill you?

    A carpark!

    Gfc Rosalie

  49. I couldn't choose just one so here's two of my favourites...

    Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

    "Doctor doctor, I can't stop singing Delilah." Doctor: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." Me: "Is it common?" Doctor: "It's not unusual,"



  50. This is my favourite joke ever, I apologise if I offend anyone,

    How does a Jewish person make his tea?

    He-brews it!!

  51. My kids favorite:

    Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

    He was feeling crummy. lol

  52. what does a skeleton order along with his beer at a bar?
    a mop and bucket.

  53. Darth Vader comes in from a date - stood up, AGAIN. Seems like he's looking for love in Alderaan places.

    BOOM. Always time for a nerdy Star Wars joke!

    1. oh, and my email address (cos I so totally nailed the contest...) is

  54. i actually have lots of jokes, but..i cant recall any, only this one:

    why did the dragon get mad?
    bacause he tried to blow the candles on his birthday party!

    poor dragon.. umm.. yep thanks for the givaway!
    I follow you via GFC: Réka

  55. GFC: Whimsical Glam
    email: em.thomson at hotmail dot com

    This is bad...but I still love it :D

    What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
    Hey, does it smell like carrots in here to you?

  56. I only know really bad jokes! Which bear dissolves best in water? A polar bear!!
    (It's bad even if you are as geeky as me haha)

    I follow as Sarah Coleman

  57. I never win anything but here it goes.

    On a fine day, Peter's Aunt was preparing for a party, hoping to draw the attention of a suitor. Looking at his Aunt doing her makeup with a huge portion of creams, powders and eyeshadows, Peter asks:
    - Aunt, what is all this?
    The aunt, proud, responds:
    - This is to make me look more beautiful!
    Pete Thinks for a moment, then shouts:
    - So, Why is not working?

    GFC: Beautyshades
    email:makeupglitter@ gmail(dot)com

  58. What do you call a man with no shins?





  59. Wife:we are having mother for dinner tonight!
    Husband:make sure she is well cooked :p

    See i am horrible at telling jokes:(

  60. Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

    “And what do you deduce from that?”

    Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

    Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

    Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

    Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

    Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

    Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
    But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

    Holmes is silent for a moment.

    “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

    Gotta love some Sherlock Holmes hey?!
    Great giveaway, thanks!
    My email is

  61. Im not really a joke person but here it goes;

    The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

    GFC: Hadia Salahuddin



  62. GFC follower: Girlon Shop

    I love little Johnny jokes ;)

    Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

    "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

    "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

  63. A man walks into the butchers and tells the butcher to get him the meat on the top shelf.
    The butcher replies: "I'm sorry but the steaks are too high"

  64. I'm not good at jokes but I think this is safe.

    Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
    He was charged with battery.

    GFC Edna Maldonado

    Thanks for the giveaway.


  65. My jokes aren't that good but here I go:

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    and I followed you via GFC - queenzain

  66. Being from Essex it has to be an Essex girl joke. I can only laugh at them coz they are soo untrue, if you ignore the cast of TOWIE that is.

    "How do you confuse an Essex girl? You don't, they're born that way."

  67. Not the best joke I've ever told or heard, but heyho!

    A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is confused and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'

    I'm actually chuckling to myself now, oh how British i am! Thanks for the giveaway!

  68. (I know only jokes in my language so I try to translate it without losing point.)
    Young man is sitting in the pub. Suddenly some guy says to him: "Hey man I am making love with your your mum." Young man ignores him and still drinks. The other guy says to him again: "Hey I am sleeping with your momma." Still no answer from young man. Stranger stands up and scream: "I am fucking your mother." Young man stands up and says: "Please dad, come home."

  69. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this some kind of joke?"


  70. GFC: collifornia
    Email: holliister at gmail dot com

    What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummie bear! :)

  71. Want to hear a joke? Summer in Norway......

  72. what do cows eat for breakfast?

    I thought I was really cool when I made that joke up at about 10 years old, hahaha.


  73. "What did the melted cheese say to the unlucky tortilla?"
    "Man, it's nacho day!" LOL

    GFC: Heather
    prettymodishblog @ gmail . com


  74. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
    It was in-tents.

    (Aaagh it's so bad!)
    GFC: Emily

  75. what's brown & sticky

    A stick

  76. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?

    Clever dick;)

    GFC: EJButcher

  77. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

  78. What do you call a sleep walking nun?

    A romin catholic!! ;D

    Sorry for the cheesy joke but hey! Thanks for the lovely giveaway!

    Gfc; georgia edwards

  79. I'm not a joke kinda person but...

    Why do ducks have webbed feet?
    To stamp out fires.

    Why do elephants have flat feet?
    To stamp out burning ducks.

    GFC SuperHotFemale
    sari dot susanna at hotmail dot com

  80. I'm such a good cook, even the smoke alarm cheers me on!

    Sorry, it's the best I can come up with!

  81. A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
    First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
    "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
    "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

    GFC: Cupcake

  82. Why did the zoo run out of tablets?

    Not a very good one but the first that came into my head!
    GFC : Cymraes95
    email :

  83. Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

    "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

    "My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."


    "I hid his teeth."

    Hope you found that funny!

    GFC: shimmerdreamz


  84. I had a total blank, so asked the boyf, so may regret this, lol.

    What's green and eats nuts?

  85. what do you call a woman with one leg?
    Eileen !!

  86. A kid was taking a shower with his mom and asks: "What are those things on your chest?". Not wanting to answer she changed the subject.

    The next day the boy went up to his dad and asked "What are those things on
    Mummy's chest?". He replied: "They are balloons so when your mom dies they will inflate and she will float to heaven."

    A couple of weeks later the father comes home early and his son runs out and says: "Daddy, Daddy, Mom is dying". The father asks "What are you talking about?" "Well, uncle John is blowing up her balloons and she's yelling 'Oh God I'm coming'".

  87. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    (: hahaha.

  88. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
    'Get in the car, Robin.'
    I think I found it a little too funny...

  89. Two monkeys getting in a bath, one says "ooh ooh, ahh ahh" and the other says "put some cold water in!" xxx

  90. In dinner time

  91. I'm the worst at telling jokes because I'm one of those people that starts laughing before the punch line but I'll tell you one I heard this week.

    What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
    It's going to take me awhile to get hard. I just got laid by some chick.

  92. Haha great idea to enter with a joke! I'm a big of a science geek so I'm afraid you'll get a science geek joke! ...If I was an enzyme I'd be helicase, so I could unzip your genes! Haaaaa.
    Anyways.... I follow your blog also :) My email is if you need it xx

  93. A dyslexic person walks into a bra.

    I only find this funny because i'm dyslexic haha

    Thanks for this giveaway, my email is

  94. why did the golfer take 2 pairs of socks to golf?
    incase he got a whole in one.

  95. "Anyone else wonder if the Queen ever pops her quilt cover up to her neck whilst in bed and says 'Look Philip, I'm a stamp!'?"

  96. As a kid I wa always made to walk the plank...we couldn't afford a dog!
    It's so terrible I find it funny.

  97. What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: HUmans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.
    GFC: Carole Petci

  98. Hehe my mum surprised me with this cracker one day:
    ''when will pigs take over the world?
    ''in the sausAGE''
    hehehehe :D
    gfc: holleeberry xxx

  99. my brother came up with this when he didn't quite grasp the concept of jokes:

    How can you tell when an elephant has been in the mud?

    ...(you can see us all awaiting the answer from a 4 year old child, who had never told a joke before)...

    we all promptly broke into peals of laughter, and have told it ever since:)

  100. Honey, I lost half a kilo!
    - Did you shave your legs ?!

    GFC Tolmu Rull
    tolmurullike (at)

  101. here's a cute joke i like:

    A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

    hehe.. i follow on gfc as layla and my email address is


  102. Jenny heard milk baths will make her beautiful so asks the milkman for 120 pints of milk. The milkman thinks there's a mistake so says, "Do you mean 12 pints?" Jenny answers, "No, I want 120, I’m going to fill my bath with milk." "Pasteurised?" asks the milkman. "No," Jenny says, "Just past my boobs."

    GFC: Claire Trevor

  103. I hope it's not too late to enter ! Thank you for the great giveaway. I love your blog, it makes me wanna buy a lot more of beauty products ;)
    GFC: honey_lili

    1. Ooops forgot the joke... I really bad at jokes so I can't think of one right now... I guess it's better that way ! lol

  104. i only have one joke i really remember but here goes

    'an irishman a scotsman and an englishman are at a swimming pool and a genie appears. he says to the three men as you're going down the slide into the pool shout out what you want the pool to be filled with and i shall grant your wish, the irishman calls 'guinness' and the genie fills the pool with guinness, the scotsman calls out 'whisky' and the same happens and when the englishmen goes down he just shouts 'weee'...

    what can i say it's a pretty terrible joke and sorry for the stereotypes! gfc follower :)

    love eloise xx

  105. Here's mine;
    100m final - the only time a man gets praise for preforming in under 10 seconds


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